Today Callie and I were discussing the newest abomination in advertising: The Lying Cheating Glade Lady:

me: know what commercial i really f-ing hate

that damn glade commercial

its so offensive

divingdarlin8812: which one?

i dont have tv

me: oh right

its a newer one

ill describe it

It starts out with this perky housewife ushering her kids and husband out the door

because "she has a lot to do"

so off they go to slave away at work and school

and then she sprays glade air freshener all over the house and goes out to lunch and plays tennis and shit

and when the kids come home (and the husband too, obviously she cant even be bothered to pick up her kids from school)

theyre all like "wow mom, it smells great, you must have worked all day"

and shes like "oh yeah, ive been cleaning all day"

divingdarlin8812: ugh

me: but then the husband finds the glade bottle and they all laugh about it

divingdarlin8812: lazy bitch

me: i know right?

divingdarlin8812: that would bug me too

me: theres another one where shes pulling cookies out of a box and she lights a gingerbread glade candle

and her friends come over and compliment her on the cookies she just baked because they smell fresh out of the oven

and shes like "thanks!"

divingdarlin8812: geez whats with lazy women?

"glade...for the lazy housewives"

me: i just want to be like "jeez you f-ing ho, so glad your husband slaves away so you can go out to lunch and play tennis and NOT even manage to clean your house"

divingdarlin8812: seriously

i hate glade

me: me too

i totally dont even want to buy it

even if it DOES penetrate the carpet fibers more deeply than febreze

So basically, all these commercials make me want to do is burn down the glade plant, especially the advertising wing. I take issue with most commercials for products that are stereotypically the domain of women (for instance, when was the last time you saw a commercial for a vacuum cleaner that featured a man using the product and not merely slapping his wife's ass while she vacuumed under his feet? Ok, maybe that's a little too histrionic an assessment, but you get the idea) but at least these products show busy, industrious women who usually look happy to be providing a service for their family. At LEAST. Not this woman. Her husband works all day, presumably making enough money for her to enjoy luxuries like a country club membership and lunches out with the girls. Her only job is to clean the house, and it's supposed to take her all day. Instead she sprays it down with Glade and attempts to lie badly about it.

I feel as though there's some sort of grim subtext to this commercial. Why is she lying about not cleaning the house? Will something bad happen to her if her husband finds out about the Glade? Does he work for Febreze?

To add insult to injury Glade leaves us with the worst punch line ever invented at the end:

"Wow, you must have been cleaning all day!" For eight hours! Did you even eat? You look emaciated!
"Yes, well, aren't you glad" Aren't you glad you work 40 hours a week so I can clean the house for eight hours a day!
"Don't you mean....GLADE?" Oh, haha! I get it! Glade is just like Glad except it has one extra letter! How much are they paying their advertising execs to come up with this shit?

There's another one where she pretends to bake cookies and uses a candle to simulate the smell of freshly baked cookies to impress her friends. Then she ruthlessly eats a poor anthropomorphic gingerbread man who has curiously sprung to life to expose her.

Obviously this woman will stop at nothing for the approval of her peers and now I am a Febreze user for life.

First Glade Commercial:

Second:

A list I will continue to edit as time goes on.

Things I like:
Soft lips lip balm
Sweet tea
Buffalo Chicken in pretty much any capacity
England
Blogs
Oliver and Dinah Lou
C.
craigslist.com
riesling, amaretto sours
google maps street view
grapes
grape flavored gum
raspberries
BLUE LOBSTERS:







Things I hate:
fleas
rotten food
my period
being poor
the bullshit thats currently posturing as sweet tea in the breakroom.
feeling sick
when the cats shit on the laundry room floor.
the unwarranted negative reaction im currently having to blue cheese, which I usually like.
worrying
airlines
coming home to a heinous messy house that im sure will not be cleaned.
Mizuna Lettuce:










Eh.
my new gum - wild blueberry twist, if you must know - which I also usually like.

a smattering of things

This weekend we went to Oshkosh for the airshow, and I will admit that I went with very low expectations about my enjoyment level, because honestly Kate + Airplanes (quite often) = clutching the hand of the fat stranger in the seat next to me. I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised, because it was quite a good time.

_____________________________

The Red Cross is holding a blood drive this year in my building and I have several factors to consider while I decide whether or not to participate. LIST TIME.

PROS
1. I have a rare-ish blood type, despite what the impertinent nurse-in-training waiter said at TGI Fridays when he overheard me bragging about my rare-ish blood. Maybe that guy should spend less time in his nursing school text books and more time looking up blood types on wikipedia.
2. Super fun way to spend your lunch break!
3. I get a free ice cream cone from dairy queen.
4. I get a free ice cream cone from dairy queen.
5. I get a free ice cream cone from dairy queen.

CONS
1. Needles.
2. I might will definitely pass the fuck out.
3. Giving blood blows because that shit hurts.
4. I will not get a free t-shirt like I used to in college.
5. Thinking about it will totally ruin the first half of my Wednesday.

So there you have it, I guess I have some serious thinking to do.

_______________________________

C and I went to some dive-y Chinese restaurant for lunch. Somewhat expectedly, it was chock full of secretarial pools in all shapes and sizes. In fact, the only people in there that were NOT in the secretarial pool were C and me, and one other couple who had recently won the Intergalactic Most Annoying People Ever 2008 contest.

I guess for the talent portion of IMAPE2008, they just sat there and bitched about how hard it was to date and how all the men and women they dated were total losers. Loudly. Anyway, script time:

MAN (thin, pocket-protected glasses clad pleated pants): so after we ate I asked this chick what she wanted to do, and i gave her a whole list and she said, 'I dunno, you decide' so I just took her home because she obviously didn't know what she wnated to do and she was SO UPSET with me! what was her problem anyway?
WOMAN (mousy, wearing metallic shirt with shoulder pads): omigod! what a bitch!
why are some girls so needy?

Anyway, it went on and on with stories like this until they finally, FINALLY left, leaving me thanking every available deity that I no longer had to potentially date men like that.

First of all, that womans problem was that she was obviously out on a date with someone who didn't have a big enough dick to decide where to go. And whatever, that shiny mousy bi-atch would totally do the same thing.

_____________________________________

Maybe more later...

my blog speaks...in haiku

randomly generated haiku from my blog (titles added by yours truly):

Things not worse than exercise
body blast: which is
worse being plagued by blood
sucking insects or

Our mutual feeding schedule has gone awry!!
i was feeding her
and vice versa but it
has been a while

A list of perversions:
sitting on my face
or how kittens sound or what
love feels like on me

XXXDirty Dentists 3XXX
you didn't floss thats
thirty lashes with the tickler
for you tonight slave

Please, there are too many unwanted flea pregnancies in the world...
fully intending
to demand an iud since
i hate rotten fleas

The monster in your closet makes a mistake.
creature that will stand
behind the closing doors and
say oops loud enough

Stressed about orgasms
no idea the
mental anguish that i go
through when i'm finished

The ice-fisherman's kinky lover
get tied up and put
on an ice fishing hat
i'd like to kick it.

Haiku2 for kafrinrosefindaw
was that it doesn't matter if my baseboards are dusty or i
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.cominsanejournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

Ok, I'm officially ripping a subject from another blog that I read. SORRY I'M SO UNORIGINAL AND BORING.

Anyway, Google decided to throw some sort of contest for the children of the world proper (ahem...the united states) to draw all over redesign their logo.

Here's the link:
doodle for google

My general first impression was: why the fuck did they put so many entries of the google logo made with hands. Yeah yeah, what if the world needed a helping hand. Would they turn to google for said helping hand? I think not.

All in all though, my hands down favorite was this little gem, obviously they are lacing school lunches with hallucinogens these days:

What if I can fly through the peaceful gardens freely like a butterfly? What if I could swim in the blue ocean like a beautiful mermaid? Google is like a rainbow that can take me whenever I wan to go.

yeaaaaah man....what IF I could fly through the peaceful mermaid like a beautiful garden....i mean swim in the blue butterful mercean like a freeful peace? yeahhhh

My second favorite is:

What if fish could think?

Accompanied by this artwork, which was obviously drawn by michael of florida's teacher/mother/art major at the local college:

Except now that I look at this, I'm disturbed by the fact that the fish has one human arm and decidedly humanoid features. Probably this fish can think because he's half human. So in closing, the bigger question is: What if...fish and humans melded together? That's something for you to google the next time you get bored.

this about sums it up...yep.

Man, I wish I had some candy. I'm not even really frustrated with anything, I just like candy. Some would say it's psychological, I would say to them: give me some bloody candy and shut the F!$% up.

Sorry about the bloody candy image, and also sorry for not writing out "fuck."

Just a second ago I cussed heavily at the vending machine for not taking my dollar, even though my dollar is 3/4 ripped in half. I might as well try to shove saran wrap or packing bubbles into the vending machine.

Just to give you an idea of how today is going.

Requisite Survey...that I never finished from May.

You are not allowed to have a blog if you don't post at least one survey. True story...they will arrest you. Hey, I'm just doing my civic duty.

A is for age:
23


B is for beer of choic​e:​
I dunno, something fruity.


C is for caree​r right​ now:
Graphic designer

D is for your dog'​s name:​
Oliver

E is for essen​tial item you use every​day:​
Photoshop

F is for favor​ite TV show at the momen​t:​
The Office, but its quickly losing ground.

G is for favor​ite game:​
Cranium!

H is for Home town:​
St. Louis, Missouri

I is for instr​ument​s you play:​
Piano, voice

J is for favor​ite juice​:​
currently: Pomegranate Blueberry

K is for whose​ butt you'​d like to kick:​
secretaries

L is for last place​ you ate:
TGI Fridays with C and parents.

M is for marri​age:​
Yes! YAY!

N is for your nickname

Katie Rose

O is for overn​ight hospi​tal stays​:​
Nope, I'm HEALTHY.

P is for peopl​e you were with today​:​

C, C's parents, people from work.

Q is for quote​:​
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. -ATE

R is for Bigge​st Regre​t:​
None really

S is for statu​s:​
katie rose: CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THERE ARE 45 MORE MINUTES IN HER DAY.

T is for time you woke up today​:​
8:15 am, yes, i am the master of getting ready with haste

U is for under​wear you have on now:
the kind I wear when C isn't home haha, my oldest softest pair.

V is for veget​able you love:​
sugar snap peas.

W is for worst​ habit​s:​
bein a bitch, updating my blog at work.

X is for x-​rays you'​ve had:
ultrasound.

Y is for somet​hing yummy​ you ate:
something yummy i ate when? in my whole life?

Z is for zodia​c sign:​
Aries.

That was a lot more boring than I thought it would be.

Seventy Six Trombones in the Big Parade

Today for a brief interlude I spent some time looking up cockatiels on the internet and thinking I might want one. When I was little I had a cockatiel. His name was Merle and he was awesome...so I got to thinking about how I'd like to have another Merle and teach him to cat call and sing Seventy Six Trombones. I also got to thinking about how it was my job to take care of Merle and he died, so I obviously wasn't doing something right. Lastly, I got to thinking about how the last bird I got was brutally devoured by Oliver.

Maybe I shouldn't get a bird.

Also, this brings to mind how little actual work I did today.
____________________

There's a warning on my keyboard that says:

"Some experts believe that the use of any keyboard may cause serious injury."

That seems like a pretty serious warning for something as innocuous as a keyboard.

Other things that can cause serious injury:

• knives
• guns
• skydiving
• crop dusting
• working in a chemical plant
• nuclear meltdown

Time to go home, thank God.

June 21, 2007

So I broke down and did it. I bought Cliniques 3 Step Skin Care kit for thirty something dollars, and then in the same swipe I purchased Cliniques Advanced "Stop Signs" which targets line and dark spots. Ok, well I really only wanted the shit that takes the blotchyness out of my face, but the lady at teh counter told me a very sad story about how her mother used the Advanced "Stop Signs" which targets lines and dark spots without using Clinque 3 Step Skin Care kit, and the aforementioned did not work.

"I wouldn't want to send you home with a forty dollar product that didn't work" she said.

"Oh, and I appreciate it." I replied. Gosh, it was so nice of her to get me my moneys worth!

But seriously, I've read in other reputable beauty mags (theres an oxymoron for you) that if you use the same product line for all your skin care needs, you will get better results. And Cosmo wasn't even TRYING to sell me seventy dollars worth of skin care, they were just getting me "in the know."

Anyway, all this stems from the fact that my normally flawless skin looks like SHIT lately. I can't handle it. It's worth a fifth of my paycheck to fix it, because when it comes to skin care, I've never had to care, and so now I'm completely clueless. Thank you, Clinique lady, for at least making me feel better and proactive about taking care of my skin.