Monday, December 8, 2008

I am thankful for: my spam folder.

I love the spam section of my email. I can't help it. Long ago I gave up on having a separate email for spam, since inevitably I would accidentally send something I needed to "spamsuckssof***" (except without the stars) and I wouldn't know the password. So I just started using my regular email for everything. G-mail has a nifty "THIS IS SPAM" button you can push, and I use it liberally. It's because of this that I get probably two hundred spam messages a day, and because of THIS I have learned the joy of perusing my spam folder.

I think of my spam folder as a flea market for words. Every once in a while hidden in the piles of junk and velvet black Jesus posters is a real gem. Nowhere else do I receive correspondence from the following people and/or inanimate objects:

  • MyColon (does your colon send you emails?)
  • Colon Cleanser
  • Mesothelioma (No thanks, I don't accept emails from CANCER)
  • Dallas Wysiskolla (born in eastern Europe, raised in the west!!!!)
  • Baby Back Ribs (please kate, we want to live!)
  • Body Pillow (please stop getting me stuck behind the bed)
  • Mr. Allen
  • Laughter Petrailia (should I ever be forced into sex slavery, this will be my alias)
  • Me
  • Wind Generator (hahahaha)
  • Birth Control (Dear Kate: I am in your uterus and I make you miserable at least three times a week. Love, BC)

I think that my addiction to perusing my spam folder stems directly from my addiction to perusing craigslist. For a couple of weeks now I've been wondering where in the piles and piles of classifieds are the crazy desperate people who want to sell "GHOST OF A YOUNG WOMAN IN A MASON JAR" for $100 dollars to make their utilities payment? Remarkably, craigslist has all but avoided these kinds of shanigans as far as I can tell. People do get desperate though, believe you me.


1 BEER CAN, DAYTONA 1991 H.D.!! - $10 (St. Ann)

Snow Globe Musical by Willitts #7402 - $4 (Forestbrook,Myrtle Beach)

exCUSE me?!:

Used underwear panties boxer briefs undies - $40 (NYC brooklyn manhattan)


Ok, I'm off to be busy and do work.