Two Songs Rewritten for the Tunes Sake

ok--i have a serious problem. It's called: Oliver.

So, I get this puppy right? Everyone else in the universe gets a puppy and it's annoying in that unbearably cute puppy way, but it grows up and becomes a normal well adjusted dog and everyone loves it. That is how I envisioned getting Oliver would be.

You have NO idea how wrong I was. He's got the worst case of separation anxiety I've ever seen in a dog. It's ridiculous. He cannot function normally unless he's practically on top of me, or in my face. He won't let anyone else touch him or hold him or pet him if I'm around. If I leave the room to pee or something, he goes bazerk. He has an annoying habit of deciding to wake up and howl and scratch and the door and hurl himself against Daniel's windows in the middle of the night to get to me. He spends at least eighty percent of the time sitting in the driving sun by the fence waiting for me to come home, with the other 20% devoted to eating, sleeping, and trying to escape so he can find me. If he does manage to escape, he will come to my front porch window and throw himself against it until I come get him. I can't just spend time with him, he has to be on top of me. I can't train him to fetch or stay or sit for any longer than three milliseconds because as soon as I move a muscle, he ahs to follow or he goes ape shit. So to make a long story short, I haven't been able to bond with this dog in any way other than to be frusterated by him and feel sorry for him. None of my housemates/freinds like him at all. He's a nuisance. And to top it off, the vet tells me he may never grow out of it, and that he may need prozac. Excuse me? I am a college student. That doesnt mean I CANT take care of a dog, but prozac? Constant attnetion? I just cant do it. I need a dog that is as loving as he is but somewhat independant if I have to run an errand or relieve myself.

I don't want to give the impression that I've neglected this animal either. He has more toys and houses and treats than a toddler. I've tried everything, short of walking him four or five times a day, but NO ONE does that. Not to mention he hasnt had his last parvo shot, so if I expose him to the outdoors too much, he could get sick.

I don't think the breeder will give me my money back, but maybe she'll consider a trade? I mean, is that unreasonable to ask? I really want him to have a home where he'll get the constant attention he craves. He needs a little old lady or something, someone who will want him around 24/7, who doesn't leave the house much. I don't even have a clue how to go about finding that kind of home for him. I want a dog, I don't want to dump her with a needy dog and demand my money back, but I do want a dog that I can be freinds with and interact with. I want a dog that will be happy with the kind of home I can give it. Oliver, it seems, is not that dog. I mean, I'd even take a dog of considerably less value, she can keep her money. I just want ME and the dog to be happy.

Am I crazy?