Things Come Undone

My family is moving. For the first time I will no longer be a part of their daily lives. I won't know their friends. I don't know how to get around their town. I don't have anything but them to go home to. Worst of all I'm three thousand miles from the four people who will always listen to me talk until I don't have any words left.

I feel like I'm adrift. I feel alone but not lonely, the worst kind. I could fix lonely with a phonecall. This is not about fixing a piece of my life, it's about adjusting and I swore I would try so I will. It will not happen today or tommorow or in the next week. I could have stood to have people near me this summer, it would have done me good to have plenty of people to care about. Instead, this. Instead, I don't even get to pretend. Instead, I have to cut out other major parts of my life. Don't think I had any choice in the matter. If ever there were a window of opportunity, this summer was it. I guess you could say I feel pared down. I don't feel as substantial. I can't even begin to tell you what that feels like, and in the spirit of being selfish, what it feels like to overcome.

This is not easy. This is a special kind of difficult. I just thought you should know.